My goal

I have this thing, it’s where I cannot stand being this size anymore and I need to do something about it!. I need to be the only one that helps me , but I need support from other people. They need to stop telling me that I don’t need to diet or lose weight, when I am actually in the “Obese” Category for my BMI. Which is not good. I used to be like 9 and a half stone and I thought I was fat, but shit happened in my life. I fucked up many things and I turned to fatty foods which LOTS of calories in them. They helped me for a short period of time and now I need to start over. He will stop finding me attractive if I carry on gaining weight. Plus he has started to exercise and I feel bad because I am lazy my energy has gone. It’s not like I hate exercise, I actually enjoy it it’s just affording it. But I guess that is my excuse again. I know now I need to stop spending my money on stupid stuff and apply for my first gym membership when I get back to Uni in September but since I am going home for summer I want to start then, I will have more time to do the things I need to do and will be able to use whatever money to go swimming (if I feel comfortable in a swimming costume) and do badminton again. I’d love to do some walking and then some running. I know how.

Rant over and head screwed on.

Switch

my brain hasn’t switched off yet. and I can hear my house mate knocking about still. fucks sake. i have a headache but want a spliff. hum